Congratulations to me. I’m now 32. I survived another year. So now I’m out of my prime and I guess it all goes downhill from here, etc. ad nauseam. So what did I accomplish in this past year? Good question.

First things first. What I didn’t accomplish. I was hoping to have my thesis finished by now. Yes now. The deadline to have my 5 finished copies into the secretary’s office is August 1st. That ain’t gonna happen. My reality is that I’m going to be in school for another semester. Whether or not the history department hooks me up with some funding remains to be seen. So a lot is in the air. All I can say though, is that I’m going to be ok. The universe has already unfolded a few dollars that will see me through. Extra will be nice and also much appreciated, but I can survive. I’ll have to cut out entertainment and some other luxuries, but I can eat and pay the rent. Not many can say that.

That ‘failure’ being said, the thesis project itself is coming on nicely. I took the chance earlier this year of not applying to a PhD program. I am convinced that that was the right decision. I think it’s time for me to get out on that cliff’s edge and jump already. Enough of this safe stuff. Again, the universe has already caught me and given me wings.

My thesis project, “The Fergusons of Farm Road”, is going to become a book when I graduate. I know that because of the nice, wonderful grant from the Cable Bahamas Foundation that all but guarantees that it will happen. Yeah, I’ll probably go overtime and overbudget on that too, but I’ll save worrying about that crisis till next year. Point is that I know exactly what I’m going to be doing post-graduation and its a hell of a lot better than taking more classes.

This is not to say that I am eternally against getting a PhD. I love learning and all that, but look. I’m 32. I ain’t getting no younger. While academia can be a nice place to help you figure out what you want to do with your life it can also become a place to hide from the rest of your life. If I did the PhD, I would be running from what I have to do with my life now. And that, for me, is writing.

Last year this time I was on a plane coming back from Trinidad after having spent three wonderful weeks in Balandra at a writers retreat. What I learned there can be summed up in two pithy quotes: A story must not come with excuses or explanations; and Where is the conflict in this scene? Had they emailed me those two quotes I wouldn’t have needed to go. But, as usual, with the mysterious ways of the universe, you have to go through the shit to get to the good stuff. And what glorious shit it was. A writers retreat without the chance to do much writing but filled to the brim with unforgettable people; an experience I will always treasure. Thank God for Cropper.

When I got back to ‘the real world’ I tried to keep consistent with my writing. When I had to move back to Ottawa from Toronto that routine broke down pretty quick. I didn’t start writing again until I came back to Ottawa from a research trip to Nassau in January. Since then, I have been pretty consistent. Bear in mind that I tend to overlook the fact that I am WRITING a thesis. A document that is currently over 150 pages long. When that is added in I have done more writing this year than I probably ever have in my entire life. Even without considering it, I’ve written more this year than any year since I was fifteen years old and didn’t know what a draft was.

Just this past week I finished the third scene in the second draft of a play I’ve been working on for the last three years. That felt real good. Finishing that sucker will be the best birthday present I can hope to give myself. Finishing the thesis will have to settle for being my Christmas gift to myself…

So I feel that this last year I haven’t wasted the air I’ve been allowed to breathe. And although most of what I’m working on remains unfinished, I feel that they will be worthwhile to more people than myself when they finally are.

So to summarize, yeah I fucked up quite a bit over the course of my 31st year on the planet. But the direction I’m going in still feels right and I’m this much closer to where I need to be. There are a lot of anonymous years that make up what is ultimately your destiny and this has been a great one.

Of course I would be remiss if I failed to acknowledge the people in my life who make it worth living. To my friends who have stuck by my side and keep me grounded. To my family; my many aunts and my uncle have been pillars of my existence. Without them, where would I be? Finally being able to spend a full New Years with them was priceless and I hope to do it again this year. I miss them all dreadfully. And a special shout out to my girlfriend Sheema, who continues to put up with me for reasons that are completely beyond my understanding. I love all of you tremendously, with all my heart.

Meanwhile time marches on unfazed.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 at 2:15 am and is filed under Main Plot, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.