Back at the backpackers inn for a second try at finding a place. Such a stark drop after spending the last few days in Montreal… Hard to believe that Ottawa is the capital of this country really.

I felt like praying today for the first time in a long time. Almost gave in. I realized that what I wanted to pray for was not for help or strength or something noble sounding, even though I would have used those words. What I really wanted to pray for was a way out. I wanted someone to take my cross from me. I don’t want to be here and do this. I’d rather be in Toronto. I would love it if a perfect apartment would appear out of the clouds and I could get out of this place. (How this feeling relates to the fact that I will be spending two years in this city is not what I’m talking about now…) This is work that I have to do and the reality is (of course) that no one else is going to do it for me.

So I didn’t pray. Kind of hard to ask God for laziness.

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