Dreams and aspirations
Every Monday I believe. By the end of the week its all gone to pot. I believe that it is possible to do all that I wish to do, then by the time Friday comes around… Let’s just say that I’m not a happy camper. But hope springs eternal and this week is no different. I’ve logged some serious hours in the library, I’m starting study groups, I’m moving. I don’t know if it’s enough.
These classes demand everything. I give ISAY the left over scraps. But then this is the way its going to be. Once you decide you want something other than the easy way, this is what you get. Swimming upstream is never easy.
Movement isn’t even the only thing. Movement in the wrong direction is pointless. The right moves must be made, and chosen with economy, all to save energy for the next fight. And believe me it is a fight. The zen of life…
Defeat is not an option. I might lose the battle, but I have to be aware of the war. Always aware of where this thing is going. And have the sense of humor and awareness to realize that none of this even matters. 
Here’s to hope. For this week at least.
October 17th, 2006 at 4:05 am
My tax prof told me that whats now is an illusion (and he was Chinese, the more likely he was a Buddhist). But what is in the future is more important.
Marks dont matter (to the extent that they are depended to get somewhere) but what you get out is what counts. I know you know this already, but you might need some confirming of thoughts.
October 19th, 2006 at 1:30 am
I mean that it doesn’t matter in the “big picture” sense of the word. If I do “well” or not in university won’t matter to anyone 100 years from now. And so what if I do “fail”? Life goes on. A Buddhist might call it cosmic humor. Not that I don’t take it seriously, but I have to keep in mind the basic futility of it all, and not take it too seriously. See what I mean?